My Heart Is Broken

My heart is broken for so many reasons this morning and I am finding it hard to write my thoughts down. The farm is my happy place and I am thankful to be here this morning. My safety doesn't feel threatened here and my heart feels blessed here, but still broken. 

First of all, a dear family friend lost his mother last night. Please say a prayer for Marge's family. Her son and my brother were childhood friends and so her and my mom became friends as well. Later in life, ( I was 22 or 23), her son and I dated for awhile and when he left for Desert Storm, I was thankful to be able to be with him as he left and visit with her as she struggled with him leaving. Although, we did not continue dating, her son and I have remained very close friends and he has even lived with my husband and I several times where he has struggled with life. Marge and her husband allowed me to travel to North Carolina a couple of times to see him while he was in training there and they remained a close part of our family for all these years. 

I visited with her several months ago, but then Co-Vid 19 hit and I was not comfortable visiting her as I knew her health was already compromised. I was able to call her and I was able to keep telling her that I loved her and that I would always watch over her son. She worried about him so because he has struggled with many issues throughout his life, much of it caused by PTSD, I am sure. 

My heart also is broken due to the state of unrest that our country is in. The racial divide seems to be getting larger everyday and there truly is no reason for it. Skin color is no reason to divide people! Mr. George Floyd did not deserve to die on that street with that police officer on his neck and two other officers on his back and legs. His family did not deserve to lose him in that manner. The police officers family will also suffer a loss as he goes to prison, where he deserves to be. 

Blacks, whites, Hispanics, Italians, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, - all races and religions should be allowed to live together and get along without these kinds of issues separating us. God loves each of us and holds all of us in His hands. He doesn't approve of the looting, burning and destruction that is happening in many cities throughout the US right now. 

Peaceful protests will work if done right. However, white police officers killing black men, has been protested in many ways and it seems to continue to happen. Stephen Jackson, a former Indiana Pacer player, spoke yesterday and said he " is tired of" these acts and "is tired of showing love for others and getting none back". I understand this! 

I am not writing of this to start a political issue or to spark any kind of confrontation or argument here, I just simply feel my heart needs to speak. During a discussion yesterday, I was referred to as an overprivileged white girl- well, I have never been privileged other than being born white and I don't consider that being priviledged. I grew up poor and in a home with an alcoholic abuser. I have worked hard to get what we have and since being married,  my husband and I have put in many long, hard hours of labor to get the things that we have. 

My opinion is that to earn respect, you show respect. To have a good life, you work your butt off and make it happen. I believe that the devil has a good hold on our country and he is not letting go for awhile! Stay safe wherever you are! 


  1. Sorry about your girlfriend! Life is short and sometimes very difficult!
    I have also read the problems that have arisen in your country in our newspapers and I am very sorry for what has happened there! I am very grateful that I live in the Netherlands!
    I wish you a lot of peace in your heart and let's hope that peace and health will soon return to Earth!
    A big friendly hug for you!
    Thank you for visiting!

  2. I'm sorry there is so much sadness in your life right now . Prayers being sent for the loss of your friend.

  3. The world seems to be getting more evil with time. I am so sorry for you, and for all of us!

  4. I think all our hearts are heavy for the recent things in the news. I'm sorry you have to deal with that along with this loss and other recent ones. I'm so very sorry.


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